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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27613888">Of Parties and Peanuts</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolfyWordWeaver/pseuds/WolfyWordWeaver'>WolfyWordWeaver</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Allergies, Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, First Kiss, Fluff and Crack, Hopeful Ending, M/M, Medical Conditions, Meet-Ugly, Peanut allergy, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, trans!remus, urgent care</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-09 04:07:44</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,950</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27613888</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolfyWordWeaver/pseuds/WolfyWordWeaver</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A meet-ugly where Sirius and Remus meet at a party and decide to get hot and heavy before realizing that sometimes being horny can lead to a near-death experience.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>189</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Of Parties and Peanuts</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/CasualMaraudering/gifts">CasualMaraudering</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This story was written for @casualmaraudering thanks to her fun prompt here. I hope that you all enjoy this bit of silliness!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sirius Black sighed heavily as he stomped up the stairs towards the party Gideon was hosting tonight. Being stood up by James so that the prat could take Lily out on a "private date" was not usually the makings of a good night out. Getting drunk and acting a fool was just somehow less fun without his other half, but the night was young and he was single and ready to mingle. If all else failed at least he and Fabian could get up to some hands-on fun before he meandered back to his and James' flat. </p><p>The music could be heard halfway down the stairwell and Sirius was grateful that the Prewett twins now rented a decent apartment rather than an upper room in their sister's house. Keeping quiet so as to not wake the babies was counterproductive to a good time. </p><p>"Hey!" Marlene greeted as she stood by the front door with her compact mirror out and a tube of lip gloss perched near her lips. "I thought you were going on James and Lily's date!"</p><p>"They ditched me," he moaned dramatically before laughing. </p><p>"Poor thing, they just don't appreciate your company the way that they should." She threw a wink at him and then focused on the mirror to smear the gloss on her already bright red lips.</p><p>"At least you appreciate me," he snickered. </p><p>She smacked her lips and pouted at the mirror for inspection before straightening up and tucking everything into her handbag.</p><p>"Need to borrow any of my makeup? You're looking a bit light with the cosmetics tonight."</p><p>"Ah, my skin's being a bitch again," he shrugged before taking her arm and walking into the apartment. Black lights were the only lighting available and it created a fun effect to mix with the dance music and freely flowing alcohol. </p><p>"That sucks," she sympathized as she began scoping out the crowd. "Need me to be your wingman tonight, Sirius?"</p><p>"Nah," he responded as he caught sight of Dorcas looking their way. "I think someone's got eyeballs for you."</p><p>"Ooh, yeah, you're on your own dude!" </p><p>She squeezed his arm before skipping off towards the tall dark-skinned woman and Sirius snatched a drink up before looking through the crowd of bodies for someone to catch his eye. There were a lot of former classmates in attendance as well as quite a few people that he wasn't familiar with so he chatted up a few and had some laughs before deciding that finding Fabian would be a good idea. </p><p>Gideon pointed towards the balcony and he squeezed and worked his way through the crowd thinking that a smoke would be a good idea too. The balcony door was open allowing in as much fresh air as possible and he saw the familiar mop of red hair before his eyes slid over to the unfamiliar young man leaning against the railing.</p><p>Sirius' breath caught in his throat as he took in the tawny mess of curls and waves atop the man's head, those laughing green eyes set in a beautiful face crossed with shimmery scars, the prominent nose and lips twisted in a crooked smile. Although it was still a bit warm for autumn, the stranger had a baggy sweater on with the sleeves pushed up to his elbows and a pair of worn out jeans that would look much better on the floor of a bedroom than hiding away those legs. Sirius couldn't quite tell from this angle but he was willing to bet money that this bloke had a great arse too.</p><p>"Hey, mate!" Fabian greeted, effectively snapping the black-haired man out of his awestruck stupor. </p><p>"Hey, Fabian!" He strutted over with his usual amount of confidence and grace, thankful that he wasn't drunk yet. "Who's this handsome fella?"</p><p>Mr. Green Eyes blushed a bit and coughed into his elbow to hide a smile and Sirius did a mental fist pump. </p><p>"This is Remus," Fabian introduced with a chuckle. "We met in Philosophy class and kind of stuck together since then."</p><p>"Ah, you poor bugger," Sirius offered in mock sympathy. "Anyone who has to put up with this prat in school deserved an automatic passing grade."</p><p>"He was a lot better than most of the other students," Remus replied with a sly grin. "Actually knew how to write his own name and everything."</p><p>The comment caught Sirius off guard and he couldn't contain the bark of laughter that erupted from his lips. It had always been something he'd been self conscious of (too loud, too rough, too much) but Remus seemed to light up at the sound and Sirius felt even better about the thrum of attraction he felt pulling between himself and the other man. </p><p>"He's an absolute wanker," Fabian sighed and shrugged. "But you're a piece of work yourself, Sirius, so..."</p><p>"Oh, another guy with an unusual name?" Remus asked with a tilt of his head and the soft smile still on his lips. "Were your parents hippies or something?"</p><p>Sirius burst out laughing again at the image of Walburga and Orion as hippies before shaking his head and sidling close to Remus. </p><p>"Not even close, but they are pretentious and we have a family history of astrological names. What's your excuse?"</p><p>Remus grinned a bit wolfishly and Sirius felt his heart rate leaping upwards.</p><p>"It's a name that I gave myself," he stated with a quiet confidence. "It better suits me than my dead name."</p><p>Sirius smiled widely. "I think it fits you perfectly."</p><p>*****</p><p>There were very few people that Remus felt indebted to, but tonight he was counting Fabian Prewett among that elite crowd. His arms wrapped more firmly around those ridiculously broad shoulders while large hands groped his arse and Remus felt like his lips would never be content again if they weren't kissing this delectable mouth. Music vibrated through the wall he was being pressed against and he moaned as Sirius slotted a leg between his thighs for some much desired pressure. He could feel just how excited this practical stranger was, but Remus wasn't going to let a little thing like a lack of basic knowledge about this man keep him from getting into those pants tonight. From the gusto that he was receiving back, it was a good bet that Sirius felt the same way.</p><p>He tugged at the leather jacket currently standing between him and more skin and the god of a man wheezed a short laugh before pulling back and tossing the jacket and then his t-shirt off to the side. Remus admired the view and felt his blush spread down towards his chest as he took in the tattoos that looked so strangely perfect on that torso and those fit arms. Bangles and cuffs decorated Sirius' wrists and a glint of a bellybutton ring made Remus' mouth water.</p><p>"Bloody hell," he muttered before he began working his own sweater over his head. </p><p>He'd keep the loose white t-shirt on but these jeans were coming <em>off.</em> Sirius' hands were on his hips and helping with them while he finally twisted out of the jumper and they were both giggling deliriously. Not wanting to hold himself back Remus leaned in again for another kiss and felt the heady rush of endorphins as Sirius continued to meet him with the same amount of excitement. The were both sweaty and Remus trembled in anticipation. </p><p>Did he have some condoms in his pockets? Or lube? Would Fabian still have some in his dresser drawer like he used to? This guy might not be interested in going down on him, but should he still ask? Or could they just mutually masturbate while they continued making out. Did he remember to take his pills? </p><p>"F-fuck," Sirius stammered, his face flushed and his breaths coming in heavy. </p><p>Remus felt proud that he was the one responsible for the current state of this handsome bloke.</p><p>"Yeah, I'm good with that," he responded as smoothly as he could. Sirius was patting down his own pockets frantically and Remus laughed. "Hey, it's okay! I think Fabian's got some condoms we can use. Here, let me just-"</p><p>"W-wait," Sirius gasped and for the first time in their interaction Remus frowned and paused. Was Sirius not interested anymore? "C-call an ambulance," he wheezed out, shoving a plastic tube thing at Remus. </p><p>Staring at the thing in his hand, Remus' first thought was that Sirius had handed him a weird stick of glue, but the instructions written all over the device made his eyes widen in shock. Before he could ask anything, the man that had been steadily leaning more heavily against him completely collapsed to the floor, out cold. Remus shrieked in fear before dropping to his knees and scrambling to follow the instructions on the device that was suddenly impossible to read because of the wave of anxiety and terror. He screamed again for Fabian, hoping that someone would be able to hear him over the ridiculously loud music before he finally managed to get the blue trigger cap off and dropping the medical device with his shaking hands.</p><p>"Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit!" he chanted as he made the panicked decision to get Sirius' jeans down to his knees so that the Epipen would be right up against the skin. Would waiting this long kill him? Was he going to die?!</p><p>Time didn't seem to make sense anymore and Remus couldn't tell if it had only been seconds or if it had been hours. Fabian was standing over him and talking to the emergency professional in an equally panicked voice as Remus had trying to explain what had happened. The party had come to a screeching halt and it took Remus stepping aside for the paramedics before he realized that he was still in just a shirt and boxers.</p><p>He felt even more a fool when he realized that one of the bangles on Sirius' wrists had been a medical bracelet that indicated a severe peanut allergy. Fabian offered Remus a ride to the hospital because they weren't sure if the doctors or nurses would need to ask him more questions, and he shot off a quick text to his best friend to let her know that he'd nearly accidentally murdered someone by a kiss. </p><p>Sitting in the hospital lobby, Remus supposed that one day he was going to laugh about this, but it didn't quite feel safe to yet. The wrapper for his snack of Peanut M&amp;Ms earlier that day were burning a hole in his pocket.</p><p>*****</p><p>"How are you feeling?"</p><p>Sirius groaned softly, his throat sore and his head pounding.</p><p>"Not good, Mum."</p><p>She stroked the back of his hand carefully so that she wouldn't bother the IV port.</p><p>"I'm so sorry, love. Thank the gods you still remember to carry an Epipen! You used to be so bad about that..."</p><p>"Yeah," he sighed heavily, glancing around the small room. "Was anyone.." He paused to clear his throat and tried not to sound too needy. "Did anyone else happen to stop by?"</p><p>"The doctors said that there was a young man who came in with you and helped them sort out where you had gotten in contact with the peanuts," she replied with a soft smile. "He left just as I got here so I didn't get to say 'thank you' or anything."</p><p>Sirius' heart sunk and he felt himself flush in embarrassment. How could he be so fucking stupid? Remus was probably horrified by the whole ordeal and would never want to talk to him again. Of course he wouldn't want to stick around for Sirius to regain consciousness.</p><p>"Okay, thanks."</p><p>Euphemia Potter patted his hand softly before brushing his hair back again and lightly stroking along the rashes that had formed around his mouth.</p><p>"The nurses never actually told me how you got exposed to the peanuts," she mused before giving him a pointed stare.</p><p>"Merlin's beard," he grumbled in embarrassment as he stared at one of the blank walls. "I, er, was kind of..."</p><p>She stared at him incredulously. "Are there peanut products in lube and condoms?" </p><p>"What?!" he squeaked. "No! I mean, I don't know! We didn't get that far, we were just <em>kissing</em>!"</p><p>The woman's hearty laugh filled the room as her mortified son tried not to die of humiliation.</p><p>*****</p><p>"C'mon, man, cheer up!" James tried for the umpteenth time. "At least he didn't tell you to piss off."</p><p>"James," Sirius growled from his position all curled up on the couch. "When a mutual friend tells you that he can't give out his friend's number but will pass along a message, that's as good as a piss off. Fabian was just being polite."</p><p>"Well he's probably still in shock! There's not exactly an Epipen to help with emotional anaphylaxis."</p><p>"You're so fucking clever," Sirius huffed before burying his head in the couch cushion. </p><p>James laughed at his own joke anyway, never bothered with whether anyone else found it funny.</p><p>"Dude, you've got to get your arse off the couch and at least pretend to be functional. Lily's coming over for a movie." Sirius grunted in response and made no moves to get up. "She's even bringing over the <em>Princess Bride</em> to cheer you up, prat."</p><p>"As you wish," Sirius groaned which earned him a swat on the arse which he promptly retaliated to with a kick to James' knee.</p><p>"Ow, you wanker!"</p><p>Soon the two were scuffling on the floor as they were wont to do when others weren't around to remind them that they were both supposedly mature young adults. </p><p>"Not the nipples!" Sirius screeched as James mercilessly pinched them.</p><p>"You're lucky I don't just rip that bellybutton ring out!" James guffawed before he grunted at the knee shoved into his gut.</p><p>A key twisted in the lock of their front door and Lily yelled out a greeting.</p><p>"You boys better be dressed and on your best behavior!" she warned. "I brought my friend and he's one of those normal people!"</p><p>"A <em>normal</em> person?" James laughed as he struggled to shove one of his spit-moistened fingers into Sirius' ear. "Why on earth do you know one of those?"</p><p>"Normal is actually statistically improbable," came a voice that seemed strangely familiar. </p><p>Sirius tilted his head back and was rewarded with an upside-down view of none other than Remus. </p><p>"R-remus!" he squeaked before bucking James off and scrambling up to straighten himself out. </p><p>"Uh, hi," he responded awkwardly before shooting Lily a panicked look. </p><p>The grey-eyed man felt his heart plummet.</p><p>"Oh, uh, sorry," he tried. "I was...just going to head out anyway. You can...I mean, don't worry about me."</p><p>How stupid could he be? Of course Remus hadn't been thinking about him as much as he'd been thinking about Remus. He had just been the biggest mistake of the evening, a bloke too horny to remember to ask basic life-altering questions like, "Hey, have you happened to be eating Peanut M&amp;Ms recently? Because that could kill me."</p><p>"James, help me take the food to the kitchen," Lily ordered before snatching the items out of Remus' hands.</p><p>James Potter snapped to attention and followed his girlfriend out to give the two of them a moment.</p><p>"It's...I'm the one who should be apologizing," Remus finally muttered as he scratched the back of his head anxiously and stared at the television and gaming systems. "I didn't mean to almost kill you."</p><p>Hell, this was more awkward than if they had actually fucked and left without each other's numbers.</p><p>"It's not your fault," Sirius retorted with a nervous chuckle. "I mean, you didn't know, and I...well, I should have asked first before anything because I know how allergic I am. 's not the first time I've been in the hospital because of the damned legumes."</p><p>A grin tugged at the corner of Remus' mouth even as his eyes remained firmly away from Sirius. </p><p>"Thank you for not calling them a nut," he chuckled.</p><p>"Yeah, I kind of learned a lot about them after finding out the fuckers could kill me."</p><p>"But...you just forgot the other night," Remus stated with almost a bit of a question. </p><p>Sirius blushed brightly and was thankful that the other man wasn't looking at him.</p><p>"I was kind of distracted and...hell, I really am sorry. I can't even imagine how terrifying that was."</p><p>"It <em>was</em> pretty awful," Remus admitted before shuffling his feet. "Soooo...you kind of owe me now."</p><p>"Huh?" </p><p>Grey eyes jerked up to see the green ones peeking up shyly.</p><p>"For saving your life, you know. You owe me."</p><p>Disregarding the fact that Remus was also the reason that he needed saving in the first place, Sirius nodded.</p><p>"How can I pay you back?" </p><p>He made sure to put a bit of a flirty curve to the words, hoping that maybe this wasn't a lost cause and that they might get a second chance.</p><p>Remus' shoulders relaxed a bit and he offered a more confident smile. "How about dinner? Your pick so that I don't accidentally send you to the hospital again."</p><p>Sirius nodded eagerly.</p><p>"Yeah, I can do that."</p><p>They were both tentatively stepping towards each other now and as the two nosy best friends spied from the kitchen Lily elbowed James in the side.</p><p>"Remus has already gotten rid of every peanut product in his apartment," she whispered with a giggle.</p><p>James offered her a fist bump and the two had a silent moment of congratulating each other on setting these two up for a second chance. </p><p>That's what best friends were for, after all.  </p>
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